Chapter 5: Tragedy Falls Like a Rain of Arrows

The life of a Defender of Gravelscarred is far from easy. But first things first.

The arena project was finally completed and I spent much of the weekend executing goblins by having them ripped to shreds by packs of wardogs. It was thoroughly entertaining. Given the use and history of the arena, it has since been renamed the Michael Vick Memorial Coliseum. I was pleased to see that the event was immortalized on an artifact created by one of my dwarves. A fey mood brought on the production of an artifact chain that had a picture of dogs attacking a goblin. For some reason, my dwarves are particularly fond of making artifact chains. I have three, count em THREE, artifact chains. At least they are somewhat useful, unlike the artifact toy forge that one idiot made. But the second chain really pissed me off. On it was a beautiful picture, in sunstone, of the FIRST artifact chain. What kind of freaky bondage dwarves do I have? The first chain in is the Kings throne room, anchoring a legendary war dog to the floor.

Anyways, I decide to slightly reorganize my military. I take all the champions and elite dwarves and put them in one unit under Momuz. This is my special forces unit and main peacekeeping force. The group I send out to protect civilians while working outdoors. The marksdwarves unit stays roughly the same, I add one dwarf that just reached the age of maturity, a child born and bred in Gravelscarred joining the Gravelscarred military. It's like Israel. New entries into the marksdwarves unit are given a full suit of plate armor and must at least reach wrestler status before they are even allowed to TOUCH a crossbow. Hopefully this will prevent them from dying so easily. Also, one dwarf managed to create a truly badass artifact crossbow that no one is using. Marksdwarves truly are idiots. The rest of the melee dwarves are put in their own unit under Kogan. This is my training unit, kept off duty most of the time unless truly needed so they can train and get better.

Kogan continues to be a badass. I decide that since he is the Hero of Gravelscarred, he should be a little different from the rest. So now Kogan wields two steel short swords I forged especially for him from my precious steel stocks. Steel is one of the best materials in the game, offering damage and armor bonuses. How Kogan has not reached champion status by now is beyond me. He's an elite hammerdwarf, high master wrestler, legendary armor user, legendary shield user, legendary macedwarf, legendary axedwarf and legendary sworddwarf. He is the master of many weapons and thusly has been dubbed Kogan "The Weapon" Roundgloves. The reorganization of my military meant that Kogans woman, Nil Redpulleys was now under him. I'm sure this made him very happy.

Things are moving along well, when I get the Ambush message. Ok, what's the deal. Turns out a band of goblin hammermen are heading to my fortress from the uppermost cliff where I am building the Absurdly Pointless Giant Tower. That entrance is protected by a trench with a retractable bridge and two chained wardogs (the entire area is known as the Attic). Unfortunately, cause I'm an idiot, I forgot to raise the Attic bridge since I was last up there, and the goblins are about to come storming down INTO my fortress. Fortunately, I did plan for that possibility as the Attic stairway leads into a hallway with two doors that I can lock. So I quickly lock the doors and scramble my fighters to outside the doorway, preparing for a fight and cursing my ineptitude. The dwarves that aren't sleeping/eating/drinking/being useless finally show up, and I wait for the goblins to come pouring down the stairs. I wait. And I wait. And I wait. Nothing. What...the hell? I jump to the Attic to see what's going on. What do I find? I find that the goblin ambush ran into my two wardogs, killed both of them while sustaining minor injuries, but became so disheartened by their scrapes that they were retreating. You bunch of PANSIES. Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Boys, get up there and take them out.

Kogans unit rushes upstairs, pours out of the Attic and takes off after the goblins...running smack into another goblin ambush and a snatcher that decided to join their force.

They are devious bastards.

The goblins on the whole, of course, don't stand much of a chance. I believe I saw one goblin tossed a good 15 tiles away. They went down in short order. But...not without losses. See, the second ambush was of crossbowmen, and the melee has some trouble with them. A barrage took down a promising young axedwarf whom I can't remember his name but will be deeply missed. And then....then....they got Nil. A crossbowman tagged her, and she started staggering away. I watched in horror as the goblin crossbowmen turned and shot her down even as she fled to the safety of the trees. Bolt after bolt, into her back, until she dropped. Dead. Even in her last act she helped Gravelscarred as she distracted the crossbowmen long enough for the melee to close distance and engage the goblins, dispatching them with ease. Kogan was in the thick of it, but he didn't see Nil shot down. It wasn't until after the fight that he found her body. The howl will haunt my dreams. I checked his thoughts. He lost a friend to tragedy (the axedwarf) and a lover. Despite his losses, he soldiered on for the good of Gravelscarred, putting on an ecstatic face. I've checked later, and even though Nil's body has long been interred, he continues to be "romantically involved" with her. He's just not letting go. I'm fairly certain he's moving systematically through the available Gravelscarred wenches trying to fill the empty hole Nil left behind.

But life in Gravelscarred continues on. Work progresses on the Tower. Two new recruits are added to the military. The one marksdwarf and a new axedwarf. The dwarven caravan arrives. And so does a hydra....

A freaking HYDRA. One of the four megabeasts. He shows up at the bottom of the map and proceeds to sit there happily while the merchants come and unload their goods. Oh great. Um, ladies and gentlemen, no need to be alarmed but we have a little hydra activity in the south. The far southern bridge has been raised so it cannot get near the fortress. Just remain calm while we go take care of this.

I muster nearly the entire army of Gravelscarred. I leave the marksdwarves back because I don't want the idiots to get themselves killed just yet. But I activate both melee units. I figure it'll take all of them to take out the Hydra. I yank out the new recruits and set them aside, one of which is named Fissurepaddled. Is that not the perfect name for a new recruit? I think it's the dwarven military surname equivalent of Pyle. Anyways, I station the units on the fortress side of the far southern bridge, waiting for everyone to assemble so I can have them charge en masse. Ok almost everyone is there. Where are the stragglers. The one legendary spear dwarf is still recovering from an injury sustained during sparring. Another is alseep. That straggling axedwarf is coming, they'll all be together soon, good.

Oh shit. Two of my military dwarves, a champion and a mace lord decide this would be a perfect time to step back inside for a drink. Oh no you don't. You bastards aren't getting out of this. Quick, raise the near bridge, they won't be able to get back inside. Well, by the time the peasants flip the lever, the champion makes it back indoors but the mace lord is balked at the trench. Mwaaahaha, now you'll have no choice but to rejoin your brothers for the fight. Now, turn around and....fall asleep right there in front of the trench.

...

The court martial is scheduled for Wednesday.

The bastard also feel asleep right where the bridge settles. If it weren't for the investment into his training, I would've smushed the fucker with the bridge.

I figure this is about as good as it's going to get. Ok boys. Lower the far southern bridge and go get him! FOR GRAVELSCARRED!

The dwarves go charging across the bridge. I zoom back down to check on the hydra. I still have faint hopes that it'll wander into the random cage trap I set up in the middle of nowhere in that part of the map, so I can bring it back in, tame it, and chain it in the arena to tear apart goblins. Apparently people have done this. It's a slim shot, but who knows. So I pop down there..and the hydra is gone. What? Did it leave already? Did it get bored and wander away? DAMNIT! Oh wait, nevermind, it's already at the bridge, murdering my dwarves. Huh, hydra are fast. The dwarves are attacking and the hydra throws two of them over the side of the cliff. Oh shit.

I zoom down there to see if they survived. One of the tossed dwarves is Momuz, who seems to have landed face first and his entire upper body is pretty severely bruised. The other dwarf is a former butcher named Lor Fortressrecluses. Lor is...tough. Lor fell down two z levels, landed on his right side, and only sustained minor bruises. Ok, that's good, let's go check on the....OH DAMN, THE HYDRA FELL OFF THE CLIFF TOO.

So now the hydra is at the bottom of the cliff, momentarily dazed but otherwise ok. Momuz goes staggering off, out of action at least for a time. The rest of the force will have to go a long way to get to the boys (and later I realized that entire region of the map was isolated due to the Great Wall of Gravelscarred). The hydra comes to and looks very pissed off. It stares at Lor. Lor stares back. It snarls out of its seven heads. Lor LEAPS AT THE FUCKING THING. GRAAAAAAAAA! And he KILLS IT! SINGLEHANDEDLY! I don't even know how he did it. I read that if you chop off one of its heads it will die, and Lor is an axedwarf, but I didn't find any hydra parts separated from the body. I think Lor just went to TOWN and chopped into it until it stopped moving.

Let me recap. Lor gets thrown off a cliff, falls two z levels, lands on his right side. Not only is he relatively unhurt, but he's still got it in him to stand up and kill a fucking hydra all by himself. Lor is a badass. He has since been dubbed Lor "The Butcher" Fortressrecluses.

I need a way to commemorate this great victory for Gravelscarred. Currently, there are two bronze masterwork statues (aka bronze colossus corpses) in an atrium between the housing districts and the food stocks, so all the dwarves pass by them. I never was able to recover the third bronze statue, I think the goblins took it home with them. Which is fine, they deserved it. The boys have already hauled the hydra back inside and butchered it. I've got some meat and a tanned hydra leather which I can only hope gets incorporated into an artifact at some point, and some hydra bones. So I get an idea. First I make a totem out of the skull, which is pretty much the only thing you can do with a skull. Then, with a whole lot of finagling and jury rigging of stockpiles, I manage to get my bonecarver to decorate a platinum statue with the hydra bones. Platinum is one of the rarest metals in the game, usually reserved to make items for royal rooms. I had a platinum statue leftover from making my royal quarters. The bonecarver makes a design of a bright sun with the bones. I add that statue to the others in the atrium and dedicate it to Lor the Butcher. I am going to collect trophies of all the megabeasts I kill and put them there.

(I never did find out what happened to the corpse of that Titan)

Life in Gravelscarred is far from dull.